JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
