We need to rekindle our bromance
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
