I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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