Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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