So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
