The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
