She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
