this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
