my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Randomize
