woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
