Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
