if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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