Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
