i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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