I puked a lego.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
