I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
