What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
