I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
