the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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