NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Houston, we have a blender
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
