it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
