maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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