dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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