he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
