I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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