Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
