There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
