I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
