i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
