How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize