don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Damn victory sex feels great
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
