I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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