I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
so much tequila, so little girl.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
