Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
this hospital has no fireball
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
