Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
