careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
