you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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