got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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