Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
