And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
