yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
