drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
