Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
