You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
