Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
