I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
