Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
