I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
