I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
