Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
