I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
