I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize