i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
