So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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