I just pynch a tree in the face
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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