I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
