I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
