I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
