dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
