Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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