someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize