Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Still dying that you shit outside
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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