I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
