There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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