I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
