my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
