anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
