I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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