dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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