I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
