I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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