Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
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