You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
